I believe that nothing is a surprise to God. Nothing. When we were told that my mom’s diagnosis was pancreatic cancer I don’t think God said, “Oh, wow, didn’t see that one coming.” I believe He’s always known we’d be exactly where we are right now in this situation with my mom’s health. I also believe that He has the perfect plan for our lives…that He loves us…that He cares for us…and that He works all things together for good to those who love Him. My mom has said to me a number of times that she isn’t afraid to die…she knows exactly where she’s going (a much better place than here) and she doesn’t ask “why me, why now, why this way.” She’s expressed that her biggest concern is for those she will leave behind…her family and friends. She doesn’t want us to suffer and be sad. She does talk about things she’ll miss out on…like being an “ole granny” as she puts it…attending the grandkids’ weddings, watching them grow up and hosting “camp” at her house for them. Isn’t it just like a mama to think of others even in her most desperate time. Here’s something else I find amazing, that God continues to be faithful and provide His amazing grace to see us through this tough time.
Mom’s appointment with the oncologist was yesterday. Here’s what we’ve learned.
- The “cancer marker” test results have increased from 239 to approximately 500.
- The doctor has given her a life expectancy of one year.
- The cancer is in Stage III.
- She’s been put on some new medications, one of which is a fast acting morphine. So we are hoping that it in conjunction with the fentanyl patch will control her pain at all times.
- The treatments of radiation and chemotherapy were discussed. She’s opted not to have the radiation. While the doctor did say that it could prolong her life an additional one to two months the treatment itself can be extremely tough on a person (to put it mildly) and it will not cure the cancer. Chemotherapy is another option she is considering now knowing that it would only be used for pain management and will not change the outcome of her prognosis.
So things are tough right now. Deep down I think I was holding out hope that we’d hear that treatment options were still available to stop the disease process and it turns out there’s not. So that’s tough. I mentioned all of the things in the first paragraph because they are truths that I believe, but it doesn’t change the fact that we are hurting and we are going through such a painful time as a family. I am so sorry to those of you that know my mom and are hurting with us. Thank you for being such an encouragement to us and we appreciate your prayers very much.
On a much lighter note, Ben and I are flying back to spend time with my mom May 29 through June 7. Depending on how she’s feeling we’ve talked about taking Ben to the park together! We cannot wait to see her!!